


Turning Boyfriends into secret keepers.

by mthevlamister



Series: Boardwalk Boys [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Boardwalk boys, Depressed Michael, I too am gay, M/M, Michael is supportive, Rich set a fire, basing Michael's shit on my previous shit, boyf riends — Freeform, expensive headphones, my gaybies, to get rid of the SQUIP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 06:49:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11709072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mthevlamister/pseuds/mthevlamister
Summary: "I sometimes wonder if my parents wanted me. They didn't take me running, they probably think I'm a hassle not worth the time of the day. I really wish I could say it wasn't true but I'm pretty sure they'd give me up anyday."Or:"Well, when I tried to get rid of my THQUIP I burned down Jake'th houthe hoping I'd die in the fire. No body no THQUIP."Or:"Well, okay. I overheard my dad and my mom fighting one night and it turns out I was the main reason she left. She wanted an abortion but she didn't get one in the end, she never really wanted me. Even if she wanted a kid she wanted a girl, so I was a failure from the start. The SQUIP told me everything about me made me want to die, it's because it knew that was the truth. I really hate myself sometimes, but I'm working on it."Or:What was Michael hiding?





	Turning Boyfriends into secret keepers.

**Author's Note:**

> Off to vacation~  
> Send requests so I can write when I get back!

Michael was in the middle of a cuddle fest. Jake was leaning on his right, Jeremy on his left, Rich in his lap. They were watching some cheesy horror movie and all his boyfriends fell asleep until there was screaming in the movie. Rich jumped, yelling curses which prompted Jeremy to fall backwards; Michael, of course, ducked to catch him making Jake fall onto Rich's lap. Jeremy began to scream, thinking Michael was a murderer or monster from the movie. Jake sat up and tried to protect Jeremy by tackling Michael, making Rich grab Jake's arm so he wouldn't fall. Michael, then, grabbed Rich so he wouldn't fall. Rich batted at Michael's hand, almost tearing up. It was a mess. Michael fell forward, causing the chain reaction of all of them falling. Michael was the first to start laughing, Rich joining, then Jeremy and Jake joined. Michael rubbed the back of his head, standing up to get to the couch again. Jeremy picked himself up and helped Rich get up. Jake groaned, clambering on the couch.

"What'd I mith in the movie?" Rich asked, rubbing his eyes.

"I was out." Jake let his head fall on Michael's shoulder again.

"I was asleep too." Jeremy admitted.

"Oh, well you see the heroine just realized she was the monster all along! She took a look in the mirror and saw what she had to do." Michael held his hand to his chest, using the most dramatic voice he could. "She called her boyfriend, telling him she loved him but she couldn't do this anymore. The only way to keep them from dying is if she killed herself! He tried to stop her, grabbing all their friends but it was too late! She had thrown herself out the window by the time they came! The evil traveled to her best friend, and in the last shot you can see her friend's eyes turn dark and it fades away as she screams."

"Wait really?" Jake asked.

"No, they screamed because the killer showed up again. It was stupid." Michael admitted, leaning back.

"Fuck that." Jeremy mumbled. 

"Fuck me." Rich said, looking at Jeremy.

". . . Okay."

"Look as much as I'd love to see that I'm tired, do it in the next room." Jake hissed at them, watching them scramble to the next room. He smiled at Michael, kissing his hand. "Hey, what's up nerd?"

"I'm a geek, excuse you." Michael grinned, kissing Jake's head. "I'm just confused how you all are so happy. You all are going through so much and you keep a smile. Tell me what you're hiding!"

"Wanna hear my secret?" 

"Yes."

"I sometimes wonder if my parents wanted me. They didn't take me running, they probably think I'm a hassle not worth the time of the day. I really wish I could say it wasn't true but I'm pretty sure they'd give me up anyday." 

Michael looked at his boyfriend, a worried expression on his face. He hugged him closer, kissing him all over. Jake laughed slightly as Michael used his nose to kiss him too, a feeling of feathers on him. He pushed Michael's head away slightly only to be attacked with more kissing and a hand rubbing his arm. He wrapped his arms around Michael, tugging at his hair. Michael pulled away, finally. "You, my darling, are one of the best things that ever happened to me. You're one of the three things actually. I'm glad you didn't run; if your parents come back we tell them you're the most handsome man ever!"

Jake laughed slightly. "Alright, time for your secret." 

Michael shook his head. "I'll tell you all when I'm ready, I'm not right now. I want to enjoy this moment of loving you for as long as I can until I fuck it up."

Jake frowned. "You won't fuck it up--"

"Shh, come on tired boy. My handsome man needs some sleep." Michael wrapped an arm around Jake, ignoring Rich and Jeremy's noises from the other room. They both fell asleep in peace.

~ ~ ~

"My thecret?" 

Rich was sitting with Michael while Jeremy and Jake went shopping for clothes. Michael asked him in the same manner he asked Jake. Michael nodded to Rich's question, smiling slightly.

"Well, when I tried to get rid of my THQUIP I burned down Jake'th houthe hoping I'd die in the fire. No body no THQUIP." Rich shrugged, wincing when he saw Michael's expression. "Babe don't worry I'm fine."

"No I'm worried, you're absolutely delightful and I'm glad you didn't die. If you were dead I wouldn't be with you or Jeremy or Jake. I'd be lonely, Jeremy would never get the dew. I love you so much, you don't want to die anymore right? Please say yes, I love you so much baby."

"Of courthe I don't want to anymore, thtop worrying." Rich grinned. "What'th your thecret?"

"I'll tell you later. Okay, now come here." Michael held out his arms, letting Rich dive into them. He began nipping at his neck, rubbing his stomach. Rich made a small noise indicating he was enjoying the attention. Michael pulled away, smiling more. He took in Rich's annoyed expression as the boy whined that Michael shouldn't stop. Michael shook his head, chuckling slightly. Michael continued to his ministrations, making Rich mewl in delight until the door opened. Jake and Jeremy walked in, pausing when they saw the state Rich was in.

"Our precious smol boy." Jeremy whispered, sitting on the floor to get to Rich's neck.

"He's so precious, our bottom." Jake sat down next to Michael, running a thumb over Rich's cheek.

"Thut up." Rich replied weakly, tilting his head back. "I hate you guyth."

"Everyone hates me." Michael whispered, making sure they couldn't hear.

Jeremy heard.

~ ~ ~

"I can't tell you Michael's secret. It's his choice if he wants to share with everyone, I just know because he used to have journals and I'd read them. He got mad at me when I confronted him, if I told you two it'd be him not talking to any of us for five months like he did when we were fourteen. He'll tell you soon." Jeremy was talking to Rich and Jake at school, looking around as if Michael would pop up anywhere. "I can tell you mine, if you want."

"Sure." Jake said, smiling the sweetest smile he could. Rich nodded eagerly, bouncing on his toes.

"We told you ourth!"

"Well, okay. I overheard my dad and my mom fighting one night and it turns out I was the main reason she left. She wanted an abortion but she didn't get one in the end, she never really wanted me. Even if she wanted a kid she wanted a girl, so I was a failure from the start. The SQUIP told me everything about me made me want to die, it's because it knew that was the truth. I really hate myself sometimes, but I'm working on it." Jeremy smiled weakly, closing his locker.

"Well I'll love you enough for both of uth." Rich said, taking Jeremy's hand. "I want to help you too. Let me help you work on thith, okay?"

"Me too, Jer. I want to help." Jake said, kissing his boyfriend's cheek.

"Are we talking about Jeremy's secret?" Michael walked up with a slushie. "Babe I'm here, want me to beat up your mom?"

"You already sent her death threats, I think I'm fine." Jeremy said, laughing slightly. "Let's focus on passing class, okay?"

"Pffft, teacherth thtill love me." Rich leaned against the locker, smirking.

"Ha! I won't pass class. I'll be relying on you guys if I ever make it out of high school." Michael laughed.

"You'll path." Rich hit Michael's arm, Jake nodding along.

No one mentioned Jeremy's serious look.

~ ~ ~

Michael couldn't get up, he didn't feel it. His boyfriends texted and called over and over again but he didn't pick up. He couldn't physically move from his spot in his bed, it was too much for him. He tried to go back to sleep but he couldn't. He knew they were growing worried, he believed himself selfish for doing this but if he answered what would he say? He couldn't say that he wanted to die and if he ate anything he'd puke. He couldn't say he didn't care about his health or the fact they cared about him. He couldn't tell them he wished they would leave so he could just die. Somewhere he knew it wasn't true but the voices in his head wouldn't stop telling him they didn't care about him, it hurt so much to even think let alone talk. He didn't know how much time passed but he assumed hours because he heard the door to his house slam closed and the voices of his boyfriends. He groaned slightly, grinding his teeth together.

"Michael? Hey, baby what's up?" Jake's voice cut through the tense air, was it tense or was it just Michael? He didn't know anymore, he just wanted Jake gone.

"Michael?" Rich's voice, god that stupid voice made Michael want to strangle someone. It wasn't really stupid, he felt bad thinking that. He just didn't want them to know, if he heard one more thing he'd snap.

"Michael, why are you still in bed?" Jeremy's voice was soft, it did nothing to help Michael's anger.

Michael sat up, turning to them and glaring. "BECAUSE DATING YOU ASSHOLES HASN'T CURED MY DEPRESSION AND I HONESTLY WANT TO DIE BUT NO! NO YOU HAVE TO FUCKING RUIN EVERYTHING! 'Oh Michael, what's your secret? Oh Michael I love you so much' YOU DON'T LOVE ME! NO ONE COULD LOVE ME! WANT TO KNOW MY SECRET?! I WANT TO DIE AND I WISH YOU WERE ALL DEAD TOO!"

Michael regretted it, he really did. When he looked up Rich was in tears, Jake wrapped his arms around Rich. Jeremy looked average but there was pity in his eyes. Michael hated the pitying. Everyone pitied him because it was easier than helping him. 

"Just. . . Just leave." Michael hissed out, laying back down. "I-if you don't I'll hurt you, just leave! Leave and don't come back!" 

Michael waited until he heard them exit his room, he held his head in his hands. He wanted them to come back, tell him it would be alright, tell him he wasn't thinking straight and it would get better. He also wanted them to run away from the mess he was, to run from who he became. He wanted them to love each other and forget about Michael Mell, school loser and freak. They'd be happier without him, he knew this. He couldn't sit up, if he hurt himself people would pity him more. He tried to before, the eyes in the hospital all told him he was a lost cause.

Like he didn't know that already.

At least now sleep wrapped around him, allowing him to stop being where he was for a few hours.

~ ~ ~

Michael expected his boyfriends to leave him as he remembered what he said. He remembered Rich's tears and Jake trying to calm down the boy. Jeremy would leave as a boyfriend but stay best friends with him. No one would stay boyfriends with a mess like him. He stood up, a groan coming from his throat as he made his way to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass and filled it with water, praying maybe they wouldn't tell the whole school about his freak out.

Michael didn't expect his boyfriends to be standing on the other side of the kitchen. He turned, seeing them and dropping the glass. He laughed nervously, trying to escape their gazes. "Heeeeeeeey guys, what're you doing here. Ha! Get it? Water you doing here! I was drinking water, ha!"

"Michael we talked last night." Jake walked over, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Michael flinched, preparing himself for the whole breakup shabang. Something about them deciding to stay friends, how it was unhealthy for them to stay with Michael when he acted the way he did. Michael tried to keep his breath steady while Jake's lips formed words.

"We decided you're going to therapy and if you need medicine we're gonna help you any way you can. Jeremy and I went out last night to buy journals so you could have somewhere to write down your feelings incase you needed it. We love you so much and we're willing to support you in anyway we can. We understand if you're mad at us for setting up an appointment without asking, but we were scared. Rich stayed outside your door to make sure you didn't hurt yourself." Jake finished what he was going to say, making Michael's eyes widened.

Right.

He never heard the door close before falling asleep. They probably waited all night for him.

"I'm sorry." Michael choked out, tearing up. "I don't want you to die, I'm so sorry!"

Jeremy wrapped his arms around Michael, Rich following soon after. Jake put his hand on Michael's cheek.

"We love you so much, just tell us if you ever feel like that again, okay?"

"Yes, of course." Michael gasped out, a sob ripping out of his throat. He let himself cry in their arms.

He truly loved his boyfriends.


End file.
